The mental battle of grief
The above quote caught me on a good day, and it resonated with me so much. I reread it frequently to remind myself that when I am in a bad place, and I'm feeling the unfairness of the situation that there will be a day I'm reading this that's a "wanting to remember day"
So to the reason you are here, and reading the OptimisticOrphan, My parents and their stories. I have linked below to my previous blogs posts, for fear of rehashing and to explain our somewhat complicated family background for those who are interested.
Grieving for me has never been something I felt I've handled particularly well preferring instead to keep busy and "soldier on". After the death of my mother in 2012 it took a period of pretty horrendous mental health issues to make me re-evaluate how I was handling my grief and working through it. I still much prefer to be the helper than the helpee but I've realised that I cant be the person I want to be if I don't reach out for that help, and how can I expect other people too.
The way in which we grieve is so varying and acceptance is fleeting, which is something I wish had been spoken about more. One day you will accept that this has happened and this person has gone, the next day that acceptance is replaced by white hot fury. But that is grief, and more importantly that is okay.
I think at the beginning of the run of bereavements I adapted the theory of ignorance is bliss, but in reality ignorance is just that. Life had changed immeasurably and I have learnt over the last 6 months that I had to let it. Had to recognise it and feel it, the good and the bad - because believe it or not there was both.
There is a myriad of professional support for grief and I urge anyone reading this and struggling to take that step. If you access the support for 1 hour, 1 month or 1 year. That first initial step although difficult opens the dialogue to find a level of support that suits you. The below buttons are just a few helpful organisations for bereavement support.
6 months on I am finding my way, with the help of family, friends, a support group ,therapist, A personal trainer and the will to move forward knowing that my life wont be the same, and it wont be the way the I had always envisioned with family Sunday lunches and popping round to my parents houses but that their legacy is something I can carry forward and use to bring some comfort and change.
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