The May Mind release

Its been a whirlwind few weeks starting the new job, I'm really enjoying it. Its a lot to learn but I'm starting to piece it together and the team I'm working with have been amazing and patient. I feel like I fit well with the team and am looking forward to the future in the role.

Its an area that I think both my parents would be happy that I'm working in, in my own way. Its difficult sometimes feeling like I've finally joined Dads world as he left but I like to think I'm carrying abit of him forward, as is my sister in her role. I understand more now why he cared so deeply, why he picked up that extra and stayed on the phone those ten minutes longer.

My Personal Training is continuing and im making steps to rebuild some of the good habits that had slipped, Paul as ever is hugely patient with me and I cant thank him enough for the confidence he instills and the humour that gets me through my stroppy phases. My condition has been flaring a bit, I think probably with stress and the need to look after myself a bit more, the teen is currently doing his GCSES and my partners job security is shaky so home has been abit tense!

The garden is a huge sense of comfort for me, to escape things for a bit and be surrounded by nature and colour means a lot. Im hugely grateful to have the space and the means to do what we do out there. When the world is chaotic there is always something to channel our energy into, or just enjoy it with a coffee and a book.

It feels so strange to say that J finishes school in a matter of weeks, I never imagined a time when my parents wouldnt be around to see that. Perhaps they do, who knows?

I met up with a friend who is in a similar position to me today, it was good to talk to someone who understood and I hope that she felt the same. We spoke about the impossible balance of holding on and letting go of grief, where there is no structure and we freefall between the two states regularly and we reasoned that that was okay, and that is was healthy. One day we may be healing, the other we may be hurting and each is just as important.

There is constant adjustments and life changes but it doesnt have to be solely the negative changes that we focus in on, we are always adjusting, finding beauty in new things and appreciating the now whilst reflecting appreciatively on the past.