Investing in our own mental health

Mental health and the open conversation around it is something that I feel particularly strongly about, and I live by the above mantra that investing in my mental health is time and money well spent but if im honest this hasn't always been the case.

I have always preferred to be the person who helped, who when things got tough got their head down and carried on, its how we were brought up . Both my parents were strong personalities who rarely reached out for help and as a family we didn't really have the heart to heart discussions until there was a crisis point. When my mum became unwell in my teens that started to change. Mums diagnosis came when I was late teens and in typical arrogant teenage fashion I adapted a "It'll never happen" attitude, the words terminal and the time frames given I heard them and I felt them but it was as though my brain wouldn't process that it would eventually happen. Mum didn't often speak about what would happen after her death, or her wishes and it is one of the main reasons now that I advocate so hard for the dying matters initiative because we should, we all should. Death is inevitable and conversation is free.

After Mum died in November 2012 I was unwell with a major infection and the night of her funeral was taken in for emergency surgery, the weeks and months that followed my mental health hit an all time low. I didn't sleep without horrendous nightmares, had frequent panic attacks, didn't leave my house often. It was a really difficult time of my life and I can see now that I was a shadow of myself.

I reached out through a friend to a community group where I started volunteering, meeting new people and attending courses - building up my confidence and specific training. I truly believe that first step was the beginning of me finding my way back.

The years that followed I continued to build my confidence in training and completed counselling qualifications.

Having been bereaved 3 more times in the last 2 years - all of whom I had the upmost privilege of caring for in some way in their final months, weeks and days I have been eternally grateful that I brought my mental health into focus and learnt to invest in myself.

Previously time spent on myself felt like I was being lazy or should be doing something else, there was always jobs to do or someone who needed me, But we all need to realise that No is a complete sentence. and sometimes it is necessary. Taking time for ourselves is not selfish it is self care, and without it we dont function at our best.

Similarly it took me a long time to teach myself that money spent on myself was not frivolous or selfish - As a family we were never particularly well off when i was young and it was very rare that i saw my mother spend on herself, it still makes me sad to think about now even though it improved. I would think nothing of doing household shopping or buying clothes for the children but things that positively improved my mental health I felt were frivolous spends. I pay for Personal training, it works for me to be motivated and supported and keeps me focused, and my mental health benefits from that.

One final point to my mental health investment is the power of being outdoors, I am very lucky to be from an area that is naturally beautiful and full of interesting walks and places to be explore, but however you experience the outdoors. whether you walk, run, climb, garden or brave an outdoor swim there is a power in fresh air that brings me a calm I cant find anywhere else. When my brain is overloaded walking is my escape and way to process.

Mental health isn't a secret, we all have it. We all have good days and bad days. I can recognise the good and the bad days, pulling myself out of a dip may not always be successful but I now have the tools to work at it and I dont feel weak for not being able to power through, we are human we weren't meant to power through, we were meant to feel. and that in itself is a beautiful thing even when it is painful.