Changing faces of grief

Grief is ever changing. The relationship with it ebbs and flows.

Sometimes it tiptoes alongside me barely letting its presence be known, others the footsteps are so heavy they reverberate around my head.

I spent many years trying to outrun my grief burying myself in projects, denying its existence but the simplest way I can describe the turning point is when I stopped viewing it as the enemy. I would of never chosen grief as a friend, or even an acquaintance but I recognised the need to walk beside it, to learn from it and move alongside it instead of through it.

I think when I thought about grief initially I considered only the pain I was in , as time has passed I’ve realised that grief is multi layered, there is the pain of missing that person but also of all that they will miss out on. I feel it in a million different ways, and I always will because where there has been great love there is grief.

My motivation has been pretty low lately, and some of the good habits I have adapted have slipped. it has shown and combined with some health stuff for the teen has brought a lot of feelings associated with grief to the forefront of my mind. I'm pulling this back by focusing on workouts, getting outdoors and journaling.

Taking control of my grief has helped me massively.

Grief will always have its place in my life, but I am determined not to let it define it.