But why?

A question I've been asked twice this week has been playing on my mind, the same question but for differing aspects of my life

"Why do I do this activity if it is difficult for me"

I guess its a fair question, so the first time it was asked was in relation to Weight training. Yes its difficult for me. But that's a large part of why I do it. I like seeing the improvement I have made, the little wins on an otherwise difficult day and I love feeling that my strength and ability has changed.

I hugely appreciate the fact that my trainer will adapt and work around my "wonky brain" days and knows that I find certain things really difficult. Also, and don't tell him this cause ill deny it, I appreciate the fact that even when its difficult he encourages the progress and doesn't let me bail on it.

There is something really empowering in doing something that is difficult, the instant boost of achievement but also the longer term faith in myself that I can work through something.

I enjoy the process of learning, always have and this is true when it comes to learning about myself too. I am constantly surprised by what I can achieve.

When I was first diagnosed with IIH I felt in a really isolated place and the future seemed uncertain.

I was told that it would be really difficult to lose weight, to improve my balance and that exercise would be difficult as a lot of people with IIH develop an exercise intolerance where the symptoms are exacerbated so much during exercise . There's that word again, difficult. But for me difficult didn't mean impossible so there was hope.

The second time it was in relation to bereavement support, why would I chose to engage in something long term that surrounded a distressing topic for me. Because I firmly believe that it helped me massively, and if I can be of similar help to someone else experiencing bereavement then I would be making a positive out of a terrible situation. Often times the safe space to talk and feel listened too can be diminished in bereavement, whether it be because the person you talked to is now the one you are bereft of, or that other peoples grief has taken precedence. I dont feel it is difficult to me to offer support and kindness. It is easy to be kind to others, it is less easy to be kind to ourselves.

Bereavement has taken me on a journey to find out how to be kind to me, and part of that is the deep satisfaction I get from supporting others.

Although when I was a small child my Dad actually banned the word Why? Maybe he had it right, when something is working for someone who are we to question it?